When we’re growing up, specifically, when we’re toddlers, we learn a certain amount of autonomy, and are proud of being able to do things on our own. We have this new skill and knowledge set and want to practice it, but often the adult ‘experts’ in our lives want to think we are not capable and keep trying to do things for us. We keep asserting our independence, and finally blurt out in frustration, “I do it myself!”
Unfortunately, at least in my own life, this is a situation that has been repeating itself, ever since I was diagnosed with several different health issues. Hypothyroid and Endometriosis being the two most significant. If you have known me for any length of time, you know that anything that has to do with my health is going to be thoroughly researched before I put anything new in my body or make any changes to my meds or diet. It is my responsibility to do that, because no one is going to do it for me. That is not to say that I wouldn’t get help with it, but ultimately, it’s my job to make sure I stay healthy. I am the team leader, so to speak.
Today, I fired all of my medical care providers who have been treating me recently. This includes the family practice doctor, the endocrinologist and the nurse practitioner at the endocrinology clinic. I know this is shocking…but it had to be done. My daughter and I were being treated like non-persons by either or all of them, and we were not getting the care that was needed.
At my appointment today, we went over my lab results, and the nurse practitioner said that, “Everything looks fine here, so I’m not sure where to go next for you.” Except, I’ve seen labs like these before, and everything wasn’t fine. Several levels were off and one test indicated, although it was deemed borderline, that I probably have Hashimoto’s disease, an autoimmune disease that affects the thyroid and can cause a myriad of symptoms. She dismissed my concerns, and said, “Well, we can up your dosage for 5 weeks and run labs again to see how that is going.” Even though the last time I was up at that level it did NOTHING for me. Then she said, “I think you should consider going on Wellbutrin for the weight loss and for your depression in the meantime.” To which I firmly replied in the negative. I won’t take antidepressants. If I indeed have Hashi’s, then that would make things FAR worse…as they have in the past when I was put on Zoloft (lowest dose) for six months.
By this time, I was beyond frustrated, and starting to cry (somehow, I need to learn to control that…), and asked her, “So, if all my lab work says I’m ok, then why am I still sick? Is there some rare disease or something that is not showing up on the lab work?” Ok, so it was kinda snarky, but for Pete’s sake, I’ve been fighting this for 15 years. Got really close to having a doctor that would listen once about six years ago, but he got fired just after we were working on changing my treatment.
Just so I could get out of the office, I agreed to the increased dosage, and agreed to more labs and a follow up. But I had little intention of coming back. After two visits, I haven’t even seen the doctor I had actually called to see. FAIL. I’m done. SO done.
Here’s the decision. New family practice doc who is an Osteopath, and has an expressed interest in thyroid disorders. Ordering my own meds online (I can do it without a prescription, it’s safe and natural, and I have the research and support to be able to figure out the dosage myself.), and having the doc do periodic labs for me. If they prescribe synthetic meds, I just won’t take them. Plain and simple. I know some people won’t understand. And that’s ok. They haven’t walked in my shoes, so I don’t expect them to understand. What I do expect is that they continue to love and support me in my quest for health, and respect the fact that I know the risks and can make good decisions.
Basically….”I do it myself.”