Weekly Top Ten list – Who’s into whom?

Thought I’d start posting some lists of things I have found to be true. I’m hoping to keep to a top ten, but I might end up having more or less than that. This time, I’ll talk about relationships. This is primarily about romantic relationships, most likely in the early phases, but sometimes we fail to see the red flags when they are presenting.

He (or she) may be more into himself (herself) than you if…

1. …he flirts with you a lot but suddenly ends up dating someone else (and you should really watch out if you’re the ‘someone else’, because this is a repeating pattern in most cases).

2. …you keep inviting her to youth group, and she keeps blowing you off to hang out with family (then you find out later she was at the movies with friends…)

3. …he avoids talking about anything serious.

4. …you explain that she has hurt your feelings by something she has said or done, but she doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

5. …the two of you both have experience in a certain activity and he is constantly trying to argue that he knows more about it than you do, and he keeps giving you unsolicited advice.

6. …she treats you differently depending on who you’re with.

7. …he goes out with his guy friends, then tells you how hot he thought the waitress was.

8. …she only talks to you when she’s bored or lonely…you’re her backup.

9. …he puts off introducing you to his friends and family.

10….she brings you all her drama from her other relationships.

Sometimes the pain wins for a while…

….but joy wins out in the end!

The day after my last post, I basically went into hiding.  I was in so much pain, emotionally, that I couldn’t find the energy to post here, or even much on Facebook.  Interacting with anyone beyond my immediate circle of trust was just too much of a struggle.  I concentrated on my school work and just surviving each day.  Seeing a therapist helped, but only in that she helped me to become less overwhelmed and more organized with my thoughts.

The pain came from several directions at once, almost crushing me in their grip, so much so that it was impossible to decide where one ended and one began or if one was causing another.  I wasn’t sleeping much, and was constantly getting sick.  I had just finished what was probably the most stressful semester of my life, including my senior capstone project and a bunch of new costumes for Nutcracker. I figured it was just adrenal fatigue kicking in, but nothing I was doing was helping the way it used to.  Ultimately, my grades began to slip, which was what made me finally reach out for help.

All the financial pressures we have experienced since my husband’s accident were coming to a head.  We honestly didn’t know if we were going to make it until he started teaching.  The instability ate away at me every day and made me anxious, despite my continuing to believe that God would supply the need at just the right moment (He has not disappointed!).  I left a job I loved because of my increasing course load at school, but realized later that I had worked in an extremely unhealthy environment.  I felt used and wrung out.  My PTSD had been full blown for a while, but true to myself, I ignored what I was feeling and concentrated on getting through each day, focused on taking care of others.  I didn’t want to feel the pain I knew was lurking.  Leaving the job was the last straw.  Without something that took up my time in the evenings, I had extra time to think….so dangerous for someone in a full blown PTSD episode.  I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t concentrate on my homework.

One night, I had a dream, or a vision or whatever it is you want to call it.  I was very clearly told how to resolve the largest of the financial issues and that I needed to get help in sorting out the emotional turmoil.  At that point, I knew I could no longer handle things on my own as I had attempted to for nearly 2.5 years.  Once I started following the directives I was given in my vision, things started to fall in place.

What was once a dark and hopeless place became brighter.  I literally could see more clearly, and there were colors I had forgotten because they had been hidden in the shadows. I began letting go of the anxiety and bitterness, and instead focused on forgiveness.  All of the things that had happened to me, I couldn’t control.  I simply had to understand what I could and accept what I couldn’t.

I still have a way to go.  This part of my journey is not yet complete.  I surrendered to the darkness for a short time.  It makes the colorful light all that more precious.  There are things happening now that are beyond my understanding or imagining.  God’s really showing me His power, love and grace.  I’m still anxious about the unknown, but I know He’s got me always in the palm of His hand.

Be Still

Sleep has been elusive, and I am anxious much of the time.  Distractions help, praying and spending time with friends helps a lot.  But the anxiousness is draining and exhausting.  

An encouragement for you tonight.

Rough week

Arthritis is a pain.  Literally.  My joints are seriously disliking the cold.  Not that it’s sub-zero weather here…it’s actually quite mild.  But wet…and windy.  It penetrates right into the bones.  I’m still getting things done.  Nearly finished with an eternity scarf, and tomorrow I’ll finish up my grandmother’s flower garden blocks.  A little at a time, and I’ll get that list finished!

School is going well.  I’m bowling a 120 average, even in pain.  The religion class is interesting, and we even get to watch movies.  Today we watched a 20 minute portion of Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ.”  It’s an intense one, and painful to watch.  I remember seeing it in the theater with my dear friend, Honey, and clinging to each other as we wept.

Guess I’d better get my stuff ready for tomorrow.  I get to have a ME day, which hasn’t happened for….I can’t even remember how long.  

UFOs

Not the scifi type, silly.  The UnFinished Object type that is taking over my house.  So many projects, so little time.  I’ve had to put off a lot of personal projects this year due to work and school, but I’ve made it a goal to take at least some of my time back this year.  There’s no way I can finish all of my UFOs, but I can make a huge dent in the list.  To keep me accountable, I’m going to list them here, and check in weekly with my progress.  Here goes…

Quilts

  • finish quilting and binding Winnie the Pooh quilt for my daughter
  • hand quilt great grandmother’s hexagon quilt
  • complete batik hexagon quilt top
  • hand quilt double nine patch quilt

Knitting/Crochet

  • purple/pink variegated scarf
  • remainder of mesh yarn into ruffle scarves
  • 20 loom knit hats for women’s shelter

Scrapbooking

  • one page per month for each BOM (Book of Me – this means 3 pages a month)
  • make Christmas cards for next year
  • at least 5 other pages/Scrapbook.com challenge swaps

Beading

  • 10 pairs of earrings each month for the Etsy shop
  • Repair red and gold Tink vessel necklace
  • repair acorn cap necklace

Cross stitch

  • finish giraffe cross stitch by November

 

I’m sure I’ll add a couple more things to the list by the end of the month, but that’s what I can think of for right now.

Bowling is fun!

One of my classes this term is PE, more specifically, bowling.  I’ve always loved bowling and was hoping to get this class, because it always fills up quite quickly.  After 2 days of bowling for 2 hours each day, I am SO sore.   But a few days off to do other things, and I’ll be right as rain again for Tuesday.  My goal in the next 4 weeks is to bowl a 200 game, which would be an automatic A for the class.  In any case, a 140 average for a week will do the same.  Either way….I want that A.

Back to school

Winter break was just too short this year.  In the morning I go back to school (while my daughter doesn’t have to start back until Monday…grrr).  JTerm should be pretty fun, though…bowling and “Jesus at the Movies”.  I also scheduled a very light Spring course load so I can spend more time with my family (desperately need to do that) and recover from a very difficult few months.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been busy getting my house in order again and making things to stock in my Etsy shop.  I found a couple of pretty vintage rhinestone pieces at the thrift store, and I’ve got about 20 ruffle scarves to get pictures of and upload.  My friend who lives nearby will be partnering with me and we’ll be spending time making things to sell.  I know this won’t be enough to live on or anything, but maybe to supplement and pay a couple of bills.  Will be announcing the grand opening in a couple of days, so stay tuned!

End of the year

2013 has not been the kindest of years.  I’m ready to say goodbye to it, and tie some loose ends created by this year.  Time to make some changes and move forward.  

Back to the blog

To say I’ve been busy for the past several months would be a gross understatement.  The past two days, I have spent sleeping as much as possible to recover from the most insane, most stressful, most exhausting four months of my life.  Some changes are about to be made in my life, to be revealed gradually, but these changes involve a return to spending time completing projects of my own choosing.  Photography, handcrafts and blogging will be part of this ‘reboot’.  OH, and finishing up my Bachelor’s degree.  One more semester to go….then hopefully grad school…but I won’t know anything about that part until April.

Meanwhile, I’m reopening my Etsy shop…something I hope will supplement our income enough to pay a couple of bills here and there.  

Missed y’all and look forward to communing with you again!

Peeling Potatoes

Potato peeling has to be one of the most menial, tedious tasks in the kitchen.  Why is it that when I’m doing it for my own family, it’s such a chore, but today it was an absolute joy?  The fact that I felt completely out of my element (being in the kitchen is not my thing) was unsettling and humbling.

The whole reason I chose this shelter to volunteer is that it would be an immersion type of experience.  This is a place for homeless families (especially single parents), to transition back into society after receiving training and a safe place to be able to get back on their feet.  They can stay for up to two years, and have access to many community avenues of support.  They can even get jobs or internships in the various areas on campus, kitchen, laundry, offices, etc.

I talked to several ladies today, all of whom are in different places in their life.  One woman is retired and has been volunteering for a couple of months.  She used to be a flight attendant, but this job is fulfilling to her, where she can do something that matters.  One is married and enjoys the finer things, yet something draws her to the little kids who are there to fill their trays each day.  One is a resident who works in the kitchen, who was allowed to use the kitchen to prepare food for her daughter’s birthday party.

 

The one woman with whom I connected immediately had been widowed 4 years ago, and that’s when her life fell apart.  She found herself homeless, and now is living with her oldest son. Her youngest is eight years old.  She is an intern in the kitchen, and her time is up soon.  She’s nervous about it, but has a lead on a job as soon as her time is up.  This reminded me of how life can change in an instant, and that none of us can really say ‘it will never happen to me.’  I know my family and I have been close a few times.  It’s a scary place to be.

Can I make a difference here?  Maybe.  The kitchen is not where I originally wanted to be, but only because my skill set is not exactly suited.  I’ve had lots of different jobs, but they’ve always been in my comfort zone.  Maybe this is as much for me to shake things up a little bit for myself as it is to give a couple of hours a week to help those who are going through a rough season in their lives.  Whatever happens, today’s muscle aches are completely eclipsed by the satisfaction in the fact that tomorrow morning, there will be hashbrowns for breakfast for the families at the shelter.